I Miss It
by StarWarsMuffin
Summary: Little oneshot of Finn and Kurt. Finn tries to get Kurt to do something fun during the summer. Kind of just written for funsies, but it turned out pretty dramatic.


Kurt/Finn. Just a oneshot set the summer after Theatricality. Finn and Kurt are living together now... ehhh and you can just read the rest if you want.

It had been a rocky road, but Kurt was pretty sure he was almost over him. Almost… he was getting there. He had stopped staring at him in the hallways. He'd stopped dramatically sighing every time he received a text. And now he had to live with him- which showed a lot less glamour and sex appeal than he thought. Indeed, seeing Finn scratch his balls in the morning while he lazily walked around with a towel hanging off his head like some makeshift nun's habit was hardly appealing to him.

Sure, they had become great friends. Even brothers, so Finn thought. And Kurt was adjusting to it. His dad and Carole were getting along great. Burt was paying attention to him- everything was fine.

…well, not everything. Kurt still got a stabbing pain in his chest every time Finn smiled at him. Every time he came close, hugging him. When Finn showed what a good guy he was, Kurt melted all over again. And that was painful... something he was trying so hard to get rid of.

It hadn't been the easiest journey for Finn, either. He often found himself, in the first few weeks, being extra wary of Kurt… too wary. And then he'd realize what an ass he was being. Kurt had told him he respected his privacy, and they had definitely made up. There was no reason to doubt his friend's words. And Finn didn't know why he was so worried about Kurt seeing him naked, or watching him shower... it made him feel weird. Kurt was a cool guy. An awesome guy. He didn't go back on his promises or lie to Finn, like some other people he knew… and Finn liked being around him. He had made things fun.

But it was alright, because it was summer and that was awesome. Finn loved summer. He loved sleeping in, taking walks, playing tag-team sports with friends out in the old soccer fields… anything.

Though it came to his attention that Kurt did not have as much fun during the summer. He sat inside, usually reading a magazine or watching a movie. Sometimes he would re-arrange his closet, or go to the mall with Mercedes. But there was never anything… fun. Anything Finn found fun, anyways.

"Kurt. Kuuuurt. KURT." Finn shouted over the loud blaring music playing on the boom box, standing on the stairs while his almost-brother ran on the treadmill at a steady speed, sweat forming in tiny beads on his forehead and the back of his neck. The fashionista was wearing one of his workout outfits- and Finn happened to notice that it was definitely his own red sweatshirt that Kurt was wearing over a blue tank top this time. He didn't comment on it, instead waiting to be heard.

Kurt held up a hand, jabbing a finger in Finn's direction to basically shut him up; it said 'One second!', and Finn sighed, glancing around their shared basement room and awkwardly stuffing his hands in his pockets.

Finally the treadmill slowed down, the music slipped to a lower decibel level and a tired Kurt gently walked off the exercise machine, grabbing a bottle of mineral water and chugging. Finn decided this would be the opportune time to speak. "So I was thinking, since it's a pretty nice day and you haven't been out of this house since Saturday… maybe we could go to the athletic field in the park!"

Kurt gave him a pointed look, capping his bottled water and putting the drink down. "And what on earth would I do at the athletic field, Finn?"

"Uhh… we could… run? Or kick around a soccer ball…"

"I hate soccer. Too much movement."

"Football! You could do some of those kicks?"

Kurt looked at Finn, skeptical. This was… odd. "Why are you asking me to go outside?"

Finn groaned, rubbing his forehead. "Because this-" He motioned to Kurt and then the room, stock-piled with Vogue and GQ and cherry soda bottles, "is just sad. The last time you got out was with Mercedes, and you saw a movie. At night. Are you a vampire or something? Why do you spend all your time in a hole in the ground?"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "…Fine. Alright, we'll go. But I need to get my sunblock lotion or I'm going to be a walking stop sign and curse at you for the next two weeks." He walked off to their bathroom and Finn laughed, getting his old sneakers on. Kurt's ridiculous amounts of skincare products was always comical, and a little bit sweet, how much time Kurt invested into keeping himself positively devoid of any blemishes of problems. Finn stood, waiting the half an hour he knew it would take for Kurt to get ready.

By the time they arrived, Kurt had successfully applied SPF 100 to his arms and face and even his legs, though he was wearing pretty well-fitted jeans, and Finn was staring at them. "Kurt, you're not going to be able to kick in those…you'll hurt your junk or something." He mumbled, stuffing his hands in his pockets as they walked down the sidewalk to the main part of the field, face going a little red.

Kurt finally turned around, looking up at Finn with a frown and a very angry look in his eyes. "Why're you being so nice to me?"

Finn glanced left and right without moving his head, unsure of whether this was a trick question. "Because you're… awesome and… cool?"

"Stop saying that! Finn, you never asked me to hang out with you before! What's going on?" Kurt crossed his arms, because just as soon as it had been warm out, he was suddenly getting chilly. Clouds were skirting the sky and leaves were rustling overhead.

His almost-brother averted his eyes from Kurt's, shrugging his shoulders. "I… I don't know! I felt like we should spend some time together!"

Kurt was getting a little bit heartsick, and it wasn't helping his mood. He swallowed, trying not to sound surprised. "W-Why would you want to do that?"

Finn put down the football he had been carrying under one arm and sat in the grass of the huge, deserted field. "I don't know." Kurt sighed, about to start in again, but Finn continued. "I keep seeing you around, ya know, moping. In the basement. And I always feel bad, because I hang out with people and go out and have fun… and we don't talk that much, but we're living in the same house… ever since the whole thing with Burt, I feel like you don't treat me like you used to. Like you're trying to get away from me."

Kurt took a long, deep breath, listening to all this. Of course he had been trying to get away; his crush on Finn was diminishing- or at least, he was trying to make it disappear. But every time his friend got close, or said something… lowered his defenses for Kurt… it tugged at his heart like nothing else. He shook his head. "I… you know why I've been trying to pull away from you more. I'm doing it to make you happy. You were uncomfortable with me before, and I… I wasn't even trying to do anything!"

Finn looked down sadly at his shoes, picking at the grass under him. The clouds had already started rolling in (peachy, just peachy, thought Kurt) and now it was drizzling, just barely. "I think… I miss it."

"Miss what?"

"I miss you being around. And helping me out… and I kinda miss the way you used to talk to me, like you had just gotten kicked in the stomach. I mean, in a good way!" he said hurriedly, glancing up at a confused and sad Kurt. "Like… you sounded like all the air had been sucked out of you from a giant vacuum."

"I… I was just happy to talk to you." Kurt mumbled awkwardly, rubbing his left arm. "Can we go now?" He didn't like where this conversation was headed, and it was getting cold- he could feel actual drops of rain now, coming in light waves.

Finn sighed. Watching Kurt try to avert his eyes, when during the previous school year, he would've stared at him for hours… Finn really did miss it. "I miss you being happy to talk to me." He mumbled under his breath. "I miss catching your eye in Spanish class… and DAMN it, I don't know why!" Finn looked pissed off, but not at Kurt, who looked a little scared, a little lost.

Kurt shook his head, his hair damp and his shoulders glistening with beads of rain, dripping down his thin cardigan. He was shaking, but it wasn't from the cold. This conversation was just so painful. "Why're you telling me this? Are you…" He rubbed the back of his hand against his eyes and tried to clear them. Finn watched, saddened by the fact that Kurt was crying again. "Are you trying to make me feel even worse about myself? I don't… I'm so confused."

"I don't know… I just don't." Finn stuffed his hands in his pockets. The rain was coming now, but neither of them made any move to leave. "I just… I want to see you happy. And I miss… everything. I wish I knew why. But I don't. I just do." Finn was babbling, not making as much sense as he wanted to. And Kurt had rain and tears streaking his face.

"This… I can't believe you would say something like this to me." Kurt said, speaking a little louder, almost shouting, because the rain was pounding on the concrete sidewalks and into the earth around them. "After how hard it's been… I'm trying so hard… SO hard to get rid of this stupid crush, and then you just… you say things like that! You make me feel so…" He covered his face with both hands, embarrassed and utterly confused as to what to do.

Finn came over, soaking wet from rain, and his arms wrapped slowly but surely around Kurt. He felt as if he had been encased in warmth; Finn was so tall, and broad, and even though he was wet, Kurt kept his head against his chest, sniffling. Trying to stop himself. "I'm sorry." Finn mumbled, unsure of what else to say. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry." He repeated, almost in a chant that went along with the rain. Until Kurt felt almost lulled, placated. He took a shaky breath and looked up at a sad Finn. Everything swimming in the troubled teen's eyes made them shine so much more than before, and Kurt stared, unable to help it. Finn had such clear vision, looking back at the boy who was soaking wet, clutching his sweatshirt as he suddenly kissed him, slow. Not anything major. Just a kiss.

And it wasn't only his imagination when Kurt clung to him, returning it desperately despite the water dripping down their faces, the slippery planes of their faces and their wet, shivering hands. Finn's eyes closed and his fingers clutched that soaking cardigan, holding a frail, confused boy against him as their kiss became sloppy, and Finn could taste the salty sweetness of Kurt's tears, and in an instant it all came rushing back- the looks from across the hallway. The fluttering eyelashes when Finn gave Kurt something… the over-eagerness to help. He missed it so much. More than he could even tell him. And maybe Kurt's lips, pressing against his as many times as he was able, kissing every bit of his mouth to try to cling on, to hold onto Finn for as long as possible… maybe it was hope that Finn wouldn't have to miss it any longer.


End file.
